george carlin government doesn't care about you

34. I don't believe in road rage; I prefer the gentle rebuke. They own you. Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuals. You rarely see a bumper sticker that says 'Save the tumors'. So come on in. They never mention that part to us, do they? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. Doesn't happen often. But once youre born, youre on your own. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. Its been here over four billion years The planet isnt goin anywhere, folks. And in 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. They must really be bad; they'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large! They don't want to hear from you. Name six ways we're better than chickens See, nobody can do it! Any old orifice will do for Dopey. George Carlin. 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code! Theres no present. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I can't follow the logic on that one at all! They try to divide the rest of the people. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. Maybe a little Styrofoam. Huh? Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. So arrogant. The sanctity of life doesn't seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? 30. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, 73. But it can't happen, "I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Garbage in, garbage out. We made the whole fucking thing up! George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. Believe me, my friend. Nothing sacred about those things. Edited by Liz O. Baylen and Mike Benoist. It's our differences. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. Now I feel better. It sounds fashionable and, to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Tell the judge the truth. 51 Genius Quotes That Prove George Carlin Was A Modern Philosopher Fucking is legal. 25. The rights and the rights of property. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. And you can see their point: wouldn't want some guy to go to Hell, Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free home trial, and free parking. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. And they're elected by American voters. Not always. It's nothing. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Yeah, the public sucks. The only country that could invade America is America! Rights aren't rights if someone can - George Carlin Quotes - Facebook ' George Carlin, 56. Maybe evenremember them? ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds *vaguely* important! Whether you agree with him or not, George Carlins views on government are definitely worth considering. George Carlin Quotes. And rights aren't rights if someone can take them away." George Carlin. Everybody complains about politicians. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! In fact, George Carlin had some pretty interesting things to say about government. Shit, white people ought to understand their job is to give people the blues, not to get them and certainly not to sing or play them. Everybodys going to save something now. On Election Day, I stay home. Here's another question I have. Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. When a business man sits down to negotiate a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to fuck him outta his money. They own you. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Laugh often, long and loud. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Offer good while supplies last. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. It's called "fucking with people! A lot of these cultural crimes I've been complaining about can be blamed on the Baby Boomers, something else I'm getting tired of hearing aboutwhiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "GIMME IT, IT'S MINE!" George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. I wish to be BLOWN UP. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! What do you want Him to do? ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. Americans love to eat. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals. Fewer Texans. Lets get started! Or 'I brake for advanced melanoma'. You know why? Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. Couples whose children's names all start with the same initials. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket, and I wouldn't mind. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! Girls who get drunk and throw up at breakfast. Nothing changed. If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance. Stick to your faggoty polkas and waltzes and that repulsive country line-dancing shit that you do and be yourself, be proud, be white, be lame, and get the fuck off the dance floor! One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is "libertarian". We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. They don't want that. And thenhitting it again! 13. Let's face it, we have very little to work with. Individualists. And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? You ever notice that? Really? I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Save the planet! I love the freedoms we used to have. . Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. See, nobody can do it! Are these people kidding? They want me to call that thing in the street a "person-hole cover;" I think that's taking it a little bit too far. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? It's all very confusing. Or "Jesus, Can You Believe It's Christmas Again?" We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. change. "Yes." That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes . My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. You know why? It's okay if it happens to your finger; yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick! Remember when "being up for the game" was kind of a spiritual thing? They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Hope these quotes will give you a different perspective on government and how it works. I think we need some new Christmas carols with a more modern approach. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. No nothing. Everything's been sanitized now and cleaned up. ", "Rockets And Penises In The Persian Gulf", Now, to balance the scale, I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences. They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. It's a shame everything has to have a label. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. A country with a five-trillion-dollar debt is giving advice on handling money? Everybody says they suck. That's what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. George Carlin: Jammin' in New York (1992) - Quotes - IMDb But limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money. "GIMME THAT, IT'S MINE!" 31. Carry a pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with thirty or forty names by the end of the day. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. And don't you love the way these kind of people pervert the English language? After that, they dont want to know about you. They want obedient workers. Why isnt selling fucking legal? So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. That's another complaint of mine too much use of this prefix "pre". If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. You have owners. A dentist with blood in his hair. That's why we have a drug problem, I feel; it's because everyone has access to drugsit's all those DRUG stores, right? Nature is in here. -George Carlin [] I look at war a little bit differently. The House of Blues they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers especially these male movie stars who think theyre blues artists. Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. There are places that are going to go away. But what's the alternative? You ever watch golf on television? Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might - Goodreads its only a symbol. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. You know how we got it? George Carlin - Wikispooks Who cares? And that's fine. Well, they don't want you to get an infection! 32. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. "Do you believe in God?" Period. Plus he knocked up your daughter. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. It creates a hostile work environment. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. They're all in favor of the unborn. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years doesn't mean a thing. Think about it: religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Either you gimme my money backor I'm shittin' in the well! 40. It was stolen!" 35. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. 37. Pointless careerism, putting on a man tailored suit and shoulder pads and imitating all the worst behavior of men? Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. And complaining about the politicians. Of course, I'm sure the reverend isn't that comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it. Guys would say, "Come back here and fight like a person," And we'd all sing "For it's a jolly good person." They'd look up in the sky and see "the person in the moon". If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. You can say what you want about this country, and I love this place. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. Share your thoughts in the comments below! (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. Rights arent rights if someone can take them away. The FCC, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president, decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the first amendment to the Constitution. They don't fall out of the sky; they don't pass through a membrane from a separate reality. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. I have certain rules I live by. Were goin away. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. Here's my problem with the Ten Commandments: why are there ten? If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. It's interested in it's own power. "No." They own you. But hey, reverend, there are two knobs on the radio! Must be another one of those "miracles.". Thats all weve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. Who wants to get sucked off by a forty-three-year-old clergyman with beard stubble? I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Sneezy was a full blown coke freak. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. No question about it. Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. Skip the clouds and get to the fucking. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshiper. 50. Some people think if you mention some things they might happen. And a boring game. 49. (. I gave up on this stuff. That's all it is. Now, man"You up for the game?" Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line, I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me. Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. "Do you believe in. Everything He ever makes dies., 9. But they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. 36. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! Then youre just what theyre looking for. Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. 'American Dream' documentary examines George Carlin's triumphs - NPR Regarding public Christmas displays: At some point, someone who worked at Rockefeller Center must have said, "Boys, I have a great idea for Christmas. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? 'Cause I got to tell you the truth, folks: when it comes to bullshit - big-time, major-league bullshit - you have to stand in awe, in AWE of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. Ask an addict. There are battered husbands. It helps to remember that. Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Fascism won it. I call it the American Okie Doke. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. 16. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? I wish I could live 1000 years to watch it happen. Elected with the help of the moral majority and the Teamsters union. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. Manage Settings ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up Your Plan? Don't give your money to the church. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. Every one, every one of those items is provably untrue at one level or another, But let's say it's true; let's say God gave us these rights. I think "spokesman" ought to be "spokesperson," I think "chairman" ought to be "chairperson," I think "mankind" ought to be "humankind." There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Every single person, you can see the universe in their eyes if you're really looking. Seems like a big waste of time to me! Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Huh? I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! And they support the South American DEATH squads. How do school teachers handle this? No kidding. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in: Heated or unheated! If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. I'm tired of this shit being presented in the context of real news. Like the public. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Doesn't this piss you off? 28. What do you say? And if, somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. From a distance so I can see it all. That's what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. First thing- "Hey! Not a word. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Its interested in its own power. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. You name the country, we've got the plan. Pack your shit, were goin away. It doesnt only represent the good things. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. The sanctity of life doesnt seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? "Life is sacred"? And do people really watch this shit? That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. I wish for a cowboy to walk crooked, and with great pain, for the rest of his life. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. You have owners. 'Cause everything in this country is king size, extra-large and super jumbo. Does experience need to be documented and brought home and saved on a shelf? If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Dont look for it. It will be a coincidence. I say, "Hey, professor! Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. 45. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. People are wonderful one at a time. After that, they don't want to know about you. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. Two-hundred and twenty-five of 'em, so far! The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. You might get there on time, but, screw the company, those first twenty minute belong to you, right? ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. And he's gotta do it with a big. ", "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. You know why? A man with only one lip. And a mindless game, too. Don't let my beard become entangled in the gears of a transcontinental bus. No problem. A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination. But you'll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, "What's happenin'?". It's a Divine Plan. It is one that we need to function as a society. "Pre-suck my genital situation!" We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. How can [God] be perfect? But you ever notice there's no war on homelessness, is there? ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? And complaining about the politicians. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. George Carlin murders a conservative from beyond the grave. - Reddit Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. But he loves you. So I say live and let live. 18. Sort of take them in? But dont participate; it will be your death. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. Im an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. I love it when it didn't take a, Now, if you think you do have rights, one last assignment for you. And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!". Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. Its because volunteers work for no pay. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Thank God for that. They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this fuckin' place. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . Heres another question I have: How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet? I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Its interested in its own power. [] I'm not interested. 01. You know why? And generally speaking, people on the right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. They say, "oh, we're going for a nature walk. They don't fall out of the sky. I don't even bring them home anymore. 26. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. He is the victim of an accident. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Well, of course it was pre-recorded! ", In 2001, the official George Carlin website explicitly stated that the list including all of these lines was not the work of Carlin. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. People are fucking nuts. They don't have a peace college. I think that speaks for itself. In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm!

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